Caden is scared of me...

Woke up at 8 plus and brought Caden to Doc Ong. He is down with flu and sore throat. Doc also said that he might be stressed as he kept crying non stop and did not have good sleep. Doc gave him 2 days MC on mon and tues. I did not tell Caden but I feel its a good break from him.

Deardear packeted pizza back for lunch as its a celebration of our monthiversary. Since Caden is not feeling too well, I do not want him to be outside and be exposed to all the germs and viruses.

In the evening while I was feeding Caden, he insisted to watch television show. I remembered my dad scolding us for allowing him to watch tv show while eating and thus causing him to be very restless during eating time in school as there is no tv show to be watched. So I insisted no and threatened to take the cane. Then he said: ma ma always beat caden. Then I asked him again if that is true, he nodded his head and I asked if I am fierce and he said yes. Finally I asked if he is scared of him, he said yes as I am fierce. I am so sad. I always beat him because he is naughty and he seems to take it that I am just fierce thus beat him. Of course, comparing with his papa, I am always the disciplinarian. Deardear always leave the scolding and beating to me. He only plays with Caden. I am so sad. Caden never remembers who will wakes up almost every hour to check on him in the middle of the night when he is sick,who is the one to plan for his mealtime, medicine time and fruits time, who thinks of him all the time. I am even willing to give up my job for him. Sigh... But I know he is telling the truth as I am always the one scolding and beating him. Just that he did not know the 苦心. Its really not easy to be a mother...